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CFN: Air con

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Speaking of Scott Pruitt — and by the way, if you say his name five times while looking in a mirror, your bathroom becomes a Superfund site — the head of the Environmental “Protection” Agency (E“P”A) continues to catch flack for flying first class every time a factory farm needs help adding runoff to the local water supply.

Between claiming in a Las Vegas television interview that global warming might be a good thing and getting sued because the E“P”A isn’t properly documenting its internal activities, Pruitt revealed in an interview with New Hampshire Union Leader that he flies first class because the peasants back in steerage were being mean to him.

“Unfortunately, ... we’ve had some incidents on travel dating back to when I first started serving in the March-April timeframe,” Pruitt told the Union Leader, which is hilarious because up to that point, Pruitt never willingly spoke with a union leader. “We live in a very toxic environment politically, particularly around issues of the environment.”

Besides that final quote being the grand champion of self-owns, publication of the interview led to more information about Pruitt’s first-class habit. CBS News reported on Feb. 13 that in June 2017, Pruitt flew back to the U.S. from an energy conference at the Vatican on Emirates Airlines — first class, but of course!

There is the first class on United from Houston to OKC with the warm, peanut-free mixed nuts and booze on command, and then there’s freaking Emirates. A few years ago, between the releases of Horrible Bosses 2 and Mother’s Day, Jennifer Aniston filmed some commercials for Emirates showcasing the luxurious beds, private rooms and showers available to the airline’s first-class travelers. Yes, if one of those monstrous liberal proles in coach spat Victory Gin at him during boarding, Pruitt could just wash off the offending effluvium in a nice, steamy shower.

Chances are slim that any members of the Chicken-Fried News team will ever be seated next to Pruitt in first class — we only get to fly in front of the curtain in cases of extreme clerical error. But if that ever happens, rest assured halal meals will be ordered and flaunted and the lucky CFN staffer will read aloud from Rachel Carson’s Silent Spring.

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