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Chicken-Fried News: Didgeridon’t

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INGVARD ASHBY
  • Ingvard Ashby

The didgeridoo is the instrument most associated with aboriginal Australian culture, predating the arrival of British colonialists by centuries. The instrument’s unique drone is immediately recognizable, but apparently the instrument by itself isn’t quite so easy to pick out.

A man in Tulsa was shot by a security guard stationed at a QuikTrip after waving the didgeridoo at the guard last week.

According to Tulsa World, a fight broke out inside the store and spilled out into the parking lot, and the security guard pulled the trigger on the man after he waved the didgeridoo — originally identified as a club — at the guard while also holding a knife.

The man was shot several times in the groin, which makes it an even worse evening than your casual “get shot” kind of night.

Witnesses told police that the suspect gave the knife to a homeless person before authorities arrived. The security guard was not charged in the shooting because security footage corroborated his claim of self-defense.

It’s easy to see why the didgeridoo was identified as a club because there were no dulcet tunes emanating from the instrument. Perhaps if the suspect had played the didgeridoo instead of swinging it around wildly, he could’ve avoided being shot.

It should serve as a reminder that the next time you’re in a gas station fight with a didgeridoo in hand, start blowing and you’ll quickly get everyone to calm down because it’s impossible to be angry with all that droning going on. That’s why it’s the perfect instrument for a bong circle.

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