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Chicken-Fried News: F-4 Hognado

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INGVARD ASHBY
  • Ingvard Ashby

A lot of people living in New York and Los Angeles made jokes about the earnest Twitter reply asking how people in rural America are supposed to defend against 30-50 feral hogs running into a yard. OK, the phrasing of the question is jarring, especially if wild hogs are the last things on your mind.

The out-of-control feral hog population is very real problem. An estimated 5 million feral swine cause nearly $1.5 billion in damage and control costs nationally each year, according to U.S. Department of Agriculture (USDA).

Oklahoma is ground zero for the fight to get the feral hog population under control. We’re one of 11 states receiving federal grants through the USDA that will go to setting up pilot programs in Kay, Harmon, Jackson, Cotton and Tillman counties. The most effective strategy is employing a remote-controlled trap called a BoarBuster, according to Tulsa World.

The BoarBuster is capable of trapping an entire family of hogs with the push of a button and will be placed strategically along the Red River region, where the hog population is the most dense.

The last thing we need to do is illustrate the feral hog problem with some outlandish, mixed metaphors.

“Oklahoma is actually an F-4 state in regards to feral hogs, which is kind of similar to a tornado, that’s the worst level we can be at nationally, unfortunately,” said Oklahoma Agriculture Secretary Blayne Arthur, according to Public Radio Tulsa.

The outlandish Sharknado Syfy TV movie series ended after six installments in 2018. Perhaps executives might be interested in a Hognado series set in the Arbuckle Mountains?

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