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Chicken-Fried News: Help needed

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INGVARD ASHBY
  • Ingvard Ashby

University of Oklahoma (OU) is looking for a director of payroll and employee services, and they only want the best of the best.

OU has not had the best semester, having faced scandals left and right. But the university wants to move past its milquetoast responses to racism, pay inequity, layoffs and bad finances by hiring an immensely qualified person to handle payroll and employee services.

Like, extremely qualified. Unrealistically qualified even.

An Indeed posting for the job lists requirements like a degree or equivalent combination of education or job experience, which is pretty common for this type of university position. But if you are looking for a job at an institution that will probably screw you over if you are not a specific type of white man, do not get too excited yet.

The Indeed listing also states that you will need “79 years in progressive payroll and timekeeping management” and 46 years “managing payroll for 10,000+ employees.” Do your retired grandparents need jobs? Tell them to skip this one.

Okay, to be completely fair to OU (not that it particularly deserves it), it seems like the issue might actually lie with Indeed. The job listing on OU’s website lists the requirements as 7-9 and 4-6 years respectively. But the inconsistency is an issue in and of itself, so we will keep going.

The Chicken-Fried News staff hates to speculate, but if the board of regents had the same high expectations for the president, OU might be in a better place than it is right now.

Actually, nevermind. Who are we kidding? It would take a whole lot more than that to fix the ingrained and systemic racism, misogyny, mismanagement, abuse of power, gaslighting, intimidation tactics and retaliation.

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