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Chicken-Fried News: Jesus, take the tab


(Madeline Hancock)
  • Madeline Hancock

A woman spent the night in Lawton City Jail because her husband failed to show up for their date, and she had no money to pay the tab, recently reported.

Kristi Rhines waited at El Chico and told the staff that her husband, Jesus Christ, would be along shortly.

She ordered several adult beverages, which seems silly — as the big guy could have just changed her water to margaritas — and food before the restaurant owners started to suspect that her husband, regardless of his pedigree, was a no-show.

In his defense, he is a busy guy. Maybe he just got caught up doing a miracle or showing off his “walking on water” trick.

It’s rumored that, as Rhines was carted off to the pokey, she was overheard humming the tune to Janis Joplin’s “Mercedes Benz.” But please don’t get your hopes up, Ms. Rhines (or would that be Mrs. Christ?).

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