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Chicken-Fried News: Mall brawl




Want a good recipe for starting a fight? Throw together huge and busy parking lots, some high-priced but tempting luxury items, exuberant vendors, looking cool and maybe a crying toddler or two and you have a recipe for short fuses.

The frustration boiled over into a March 10 confrontation at Penn Square Mall. Oklahoma City police said four people were arrested after a fight erupted in the upstairs food court. The cause is not clear, but mall staff did evacuate many guests from the area. reported that no shots were fired, but police are investigating whether a Taser was deployed.

Chicken-Fried News certainly does not condone public brawling. That said, who hasn’t watched Paul Blart: Mall Cop and not fantasized about taking out a bad guy or two out by Sunglass Hut?

While the fight’s cause is unknown, it probably wouldn’t be surprising to anyone if we learned it stemmed from tensions within the Apple store. … Because on crowded days, Genius Bar guests almost always look like they’re stuck in unhappy hour.

Hopefully no one was seriously hurt in the incident, because we think that maybe — just maybe — the incident inspired a good idea: food court mixed-martial arts battles!

What could anyone want more after ordering a fresh hot Cinnabon treat than strolling over to a nearby octagon and watching two angst-laden shoppers duke it out for dibs on a rare pair of Russell Westbrook sneakers?

On second thought, maybe we should just leave the mall battles to our friend Paul Blart.

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