Oklahoma City recently announced the top five suggestions for the name of a new park planned for downtown.
In an online video, Mayor Mick Cornett announced the city would open naming rights for the MAPS-funded public recreation space. One of the few stipulations was that it couldnt be named after a person. Also, via the citys official Twitter account, Parky McParkface will not be considered. But the city will consider naming it Kendrick Parkins we hope.
Were sure youre now wondering what top suggestions have been received so far. We sure are.
They are Land Run Park, Scissortail Park, Skydance Park, Union Park and Unity Park. (The open call for suggestions ends Friday. Visit okc.gov.)
We guess these names are fine.
But none of them fit the high bar for creativity we expect here at Chicken-Fried News. Naming a park is kind of like getting a tattoo for your city. It will be around us for a long time, so it should be something that represents something meaningful or heartwarming or funny like, maybe, Report Your Online Sales Tax Park, or Dont Let This Nice Green Patch of Grass Distract You From the Fact That Climate Change Is Real Park.
Hmm too practical? And the second one might not age well. How about a name that memorializes something we all love, like colossal onion burgers?
Ladies and gentlemen, we hereby recommend naming those pristine grounds Tuckers Mother Tucker Park.
We can hear it now:
Jack: So, what did you do today?
Jill: Oh, you know, just the usual. I ran a few laps around the ole Mother Tucker.
Jack: Shut yo mouth!
Russell Westbrook, of course, has closely associated himself with the triple-double this season. By proxy, that means Oklahoma City is also associated with the triple-double. Perhaps the city will invoke lyrics from the famous Ice Cube song that famously references the statistical achievement and call our space It Was A Good Day Park.
Trust us; it will be a hit on the internet.