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Chicken-Fried News: Oklahoma’s back in the headlines again, this time for being America’s champion horse paste eaters.

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Or maybe not.

“As the story ran, it sounded like all of Oklahoma hospitals were filled with people who have overdosed on ivermectin and that’s not the case ... The cases we are seeing, people who are overdosing on ivermectin, they are taking full-strength cattle doses and coming in and that is something that could be avoided,” the doctor at the heart of the story that went international told News9.

Okay, so maybe this isn’t a full-fledged epidemic in need of a cheap- and-cheesy graphic behind every anchor telling their nightly scary stories around the glow of a television, but still, let’s wind back the tape on that bit.

“People who are overdosing on ivermectin, they are taking full strength cattle doses.”

Nothing says “I’m not a sheep” quite like overdosing on livestock medication.

Those in favor of the ivermectin treatment are quick to point out that the medication won a Nobel prize in 2015 for its application as an anti-parasitic. That it did. It seems like a wonderful drug, when properly prescribed by a doctor, but ODing on horse paste just to soil yourself in a grocery store or while writhing on the floor of a packed ER lobby just sounds like a terrible way to end any that ends in “-day.”

One Oklahoman buttering their bread with horse paste is too many, so I say to those asking themselves, “Should I take concentrated horse dewormer because my cousin shared a meme about it?” That answer is no. Absolutely not. What the hell is wrong with you? Why are we even having to say this oh my god stop it just stop.

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