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Chicken-Fried News: Rock show



Bullying is not cool. Even we here at Chicken-Fried News, despite seeking out stories where the amount of ridiculousness is glaring, try to refrain from harshly criticizing any one individual whose poor choices land their names on front-page headlines.

The exception to this rule occurs when the persons under the spotlight are bullies themselves. Some people, especially those who commit atrocious crimes, simply deserve to be called out, reprimanded and, when appropriate, titled lame assholes.

Such is a case that occurred recently when three teenagers from Moore decided to get drunk, drive to Oklahoma City, throw beer bottles and rocks at parked and driving cars and record the whole thing on social media.

Oklahoma City police identified the suspects as being 18 years old and said if the damage accrued during their drunken shenanigans totals more than $1,000, all three suspects could face felony charges.

Logan and Jake Paul, can you account for your whereabouts?

Here’s the thing: High school pranks are still relevant and they can still be done tastefully. Stealing a rival school’s mascot or TPing the prom queen’s front lawn are classic examples of non-upstanding behavior done right. But when you drive your ass to another city and hurl rocks hard enough to kill a man at the cars of random people, not only do you get eye rolls from your peers, you properly get shunned from any person who respects human life. Not to sound too much like what I can only hope your parents actually sound like, but you could have literally killed someone.

You give millennials a bad name. If you thought you were too cool for old-school high school pranks and you wanted to join the big-leaguers of hooliganism, then congratulations, you might have just been promoted because guess what else you get when you break the windshields of hard-working Oklahomans? You get a felony and possibly some jail time. Enjoy your cells, punks.

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