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Chicken-Fried News: Sooner schnockered




Of all the hits University of Oklahoma quarterback Baker Mayfield has taken and will take, it is unlikely any will hurt more than the lick a Fayetteville, Arkansas, police officer laid on him in late February.

Sure, there was great physical pain involved. In a dashcam video of the incident made available to the public earlier this month, a noticeably intoxicated Mayfield (who turned 21 in April) gets knocked hard into a four-foot concrete retaining wall after attempting to run from police.

According to a story by, Mayfield took off after police began questioning him about a heated public exchange between him and another person over stolen Chinese food.

Mayfield’s gray hoodie appeared to be stained with soy sauce.

Alas, the everlasting damage to the Heisman Trophy finalist’s pride, ego and reputation will be far greater than the hurt of colliding with a concrete wall. The quarterback does not come across as a sympathetic figure in the video as he repeatedly asks what he has done wrong (Well, running away from police, for starters.) and says he is “done” while continuing to resist arrest.

After authorities pinned him to the ground, Mayfield burst into tears, probably with the realization that this story would spread like wildfire in the news media. Once he was handcuffed, the cops eventually realized they detained OU’s star football player.

“He’s not very fast,” one of them pointedly observed.

No one as sloshed as Mayfield appeared to be that night is likely to win any track medals.

Injuries might heal, but the internet is forever.

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