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Chicken-Fried News: The Roomba battle of Yukon


  • Ingvard Ashby

The most commotion to occur in Yukon since native son Garth Brooks performed a benefit concert in town in 1990 happened in early February, and it all started with a Roomba — that’s right, the automated vacuum cleaner.

A SWAT team was called to a Yukon neighborhood and tear gas was administered after a 12-hour standoff that included flying feces, death threats and many unhinged 911 calls.

John Stafford was taken into custody on a charge of “planning an act of violence” after he unexpectedly began to ram his Roomba into the fence he shares with his neighbor John Baird.

According to KFOR, Baird told Stafford, “If you break through this fence, I will have to shoot you.”

It’s unclear how a Roomba, which weighs about 9 pounds, would even be able to break down a fence, but here we are.

Baird and his family huddled in their house for 12 hours as Stafford began throwing dog feces from his driveway at their house and repeatedly calling 911 and trying to report “a douchebag.”

Baird said he had no idea what set Stafford off and that they’d never had a problem with him before.

A local SWAT team arrived, complete with a bomb-disarming robot because apparently the only way to stop a bad-guy robot is with a good-guy robot. Authorities had to use pepper spray to get Stafford out of his house. He was taken into custody and we can only assume had a psychiatric evaluation.

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