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Chicken-Fried News: There’s an empty throne in the palace of The Tiger King

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JERRY BENNETT
  • Jerry Bennett

Joe Exotic, which is how he will forever be known henceforth because nobody can keep up with his changes in last name, is apparently back on the market. After announcing his divorce from Dillon Passage this spring, he announced on the 4th of July that he is opening up applications for “The Bachelor King.”

“Dillon has made it clear that Joe will always be in his life and they will always love each other, but may not continue to be his husband after all that has happened, so the opportunity to start a romantic relationship with the now famous Joe Exotic, the Tiger King, is open for discussion, as Joe is going to waste no time in getting started with his new life when released,” according to a news release.

Joe Exotic won his appeal and will be resentenced following his conviction of attempting to murder-for-hire that bitch Carole Baskin, which will likely shave at least a few years off his sentence.

But wait, there’s more. Also coming this month is Joe Exotic’s cannabis brand, which includes not only joints and gummies, but a cannabis-infused seltzer named “Tiger’s Piss.”

Is there anything more 21-century America than Joe Exotic? We think not. Maybe sleeping on Mattress Mary’s old mattress was aiming too low. If, or when, he gets out of the clink, we should put that sumbitch in the White House. Hell, his platform’s less crazy than Trump’s was.

Winners (yes, plural) for The Bachelor King will be announced Oct. 6, according to the press release.

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