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Cockneys vs Zombies

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In jolly ol' England, the Bow Bells Care Home is set to be demolished to make way for luxury apartments, thereby displacing many a needy elder. The move comes earlier than anticipated when the construction crew unearths a "plague pit" chock full of the living dead.
Meanwhile, one of the residents (Alan Ford, The Sweeney remake) has two grandsons (Your Highness' Rasmus Hardiker and The Lone Ranger's Harry Treadway) who head directly from volunteering at the home to an armed robbery with their hot cousin, Kate (Michelle Ryan, TV's rebooted Bionic Woman). Their weapons come in handy for suppressing the uprising, and that's as deep as the story cares to get.
If director Matthias Hoene and company don't try, why should you? Oh, viewers will spot some good gore effects, but since Cockneys vs Zombies claims to be a comedy foremost, makeup should take a backseat to merriment. However, everything has been polished but the witless script, which can't even pull off a kicked-baby gag with lowbrow finesse.
If the sight of an old man simultaneously firing a machine gun and profanities is your definition of funny, by all means have at it. You may appreciate Shout! Factory's giving Cockneys the label's usual royal treatment, including deleted scenes, two commentaries and a half-hour look at the movie's making. —Rod Lott

Hey! Read This:

• Bionic Woman DVD review

• The Demented Blu-ray review

• Detention of the Dead DVD review

• The Sweeney Blu-ray review

• Your Highness DVD review

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