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Do you hear what we hear?

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“Glee: The Music, The Christmas Album”
WHAT’D’YA BRING ME?:
Sick of those “Glee” kids yet? Don’t answer yet! Let them present their peculiarly popular brand of glossy karaoke on holiday classics first, with the strangely titled “Glee: The Music, The Christmas Album,” because “Glee: The Christmas Album” just wasn’t descriptive enough.

CANDY CANES: A stomp-rap version of “Deck the Halls,” rechristened as “Deck the Rooftop” is amusing enough. Lea Michele’s pipes are put to the test on “O Holy Night” and succeed. The two-men duet of “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” is bland, but would give Sally Kern the shivers.

LUMPS OF COAL: k.d. lang helps make “You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch” lifeless. Everything else feels like Magic 104’s nonstop Christmas music is being fed to you via IV.

GIFT IT TO: Pre-teens and that one flamboyant uncle who never married and has no kids.

BUT NOT: Diabetics.

Dan Hicks and the Hot Licks, “Crazy for Christmas”
WHAT’D’YA
BRING ME?:
Folk/bluegrass singer/songwriter Dan Hicks renders a mix of
well-known and original Yuletide tracks in his loosey-goosey lo-fi
style.

CANDY CANES: You haven’t really heard “Carol of the Bells” until you’ve heard it turn into cowboy scat.

LUMPS OF COAL: Not quite as “Crazy” as it’s all made out to be.

GIFT IT TO: Greg Johnson at The Blue Door.

BUT NOT: Anyone who frequents Opolis or The Conservatory.


“Gift Wrapped Vol.
II: Snowed In”
WHAT’D’YA BRING ME?:
Twenty-one chestnuts from the Warner
Bros. catalog get re-roasted for this compilation, including cuts from
Regina Spektor, Devo, Oasis and The Flaming Lips, who beat up “Little
Drummer Boy.”

CANDY
CANES:
Stardeath and White Dwarfs turn Wham!’s “White Christmas” into a
spooky, haunting wrist-slitter, while The Red Elephant delivers a
laid-back, ice-cool instrumental with “Brooklyn Sleigh Ride.”

LUMPS OF COAL: Who the hell invited adult-contemporary hack David Foster to this party?

GIFT IT TO: Your hipster nephew who thinks he’s too cool for Christmas. (He’s not.)

BUT NOT: Your grandfather who still doesn’t get “all this crazy rock ’n’ roll nonsense.” (And he never will.)


Jackie Evancho, “O Holy Night”
WHAT’D’YA
BRING ME?:
A soprano from “America’s Got Talent” follows up her debut
album with a holiday CD to make you feel even more like an
underachieving George Bailey. Because she’s 10 years old.

CANDY CANES: Damn, this girl can sing! You’ll swear she was three times her age.

LUMPS OF COAL: Only four songs? Child labor laws, maybe?

GIFT IT TO: Your grandmother and friends at church.

BUT NOT: Anyone legally bound to notify others upon moving in to a neighborhood.

Annie Lennox: “A Christmas Cornucopia”
WHAT’D’YA
BRING ME?:
The former Eurythmics singer possesses one of the most
unique voices in music, as evidenced on these dozen classics.

CANDY
CANES:
Lennox deserves points for tackling some relative obscurities
(“Il Est Né Le Divin Enfant,” anyone?), utilizing the African Children’s
Choir, and daring to use a whistle.

LUMPS
OF COAL:
With every track nonsecular, the overall disc grows a little
sleepy. And, hey, why no “O Holy Night” on a faith-driven record?

GIFT IT TO: Your mom and infants with colic.

BUT NOT: Dave Stewart or members of the Church of the IV Crown Princes.

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