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Fire ants spread across Oklahoma

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Let's face facts. We're all a bit nerdy here at CFN. Which is why, when we first heard about the following, we immediately thought of a phrase from a classic TV show featuring a kick-ass vampire slayer, "from beneath you, it devours." We always thought the "it" that was doing the devouring was, you know, something evil and undead. Instead, it turns out to be ants.

Fire ants, actually. From a NewsOK.com article, fire ants have been found in 38 counties in the state. And the plague is spreading. The U.S. Department of Agriculture has reportedly quarantined 20 Oklahoma counties.

This aggressive ant, according to the report, is steadily marching north, spreading pain, crop failure, and even death. As in human death. The swarm of fire ants, an unstoppable scourge, bites victims, leaving angry pustules.

According to the article, fire ants are thought to have been introduced to the U.S. by ships sailing north from South America. They now infest 13 Southern states. We have no doubt they will not stop their insidious power grab until all of the U.S. is firmly in the grip of their three-part body.

Resistance is obviously futile. There's just one thing left to do. We're off to go prepare our humble sacrifice to our new insect overlord. May the great Ant of Fire grant you a peaceful death in its maleficent six legs of fury.

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