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Get Greasy

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Ah, Oklahoma, you somehow always end up on the wrong side of lists.

As if the state needed anything else to cement its permanent role as Place Where Ambiguous Newsreel Footage for Stories on Obesity is Shot, we can now thank Reader's Digest for a reputation that, well, really sticks.

The mag's June/July issue features its annual Best of America list, including the category of "Best Town Names." And poor, poor, rotund Oklahoma is represented by the town of Greasy. This state makes the list with a town sharing its name with an adjective describing something repulsively slick, oily and/or artery-clogging.

Compare this to other more appetizing towns: Cheesequake, N.J., home of a seemingly delightful dairy-induced natural disaster (unless you're lactose intolerant); Texas boasts Chocolate Bayou, which conceivably exists to lure in hungry tourists (possibly from Oklahoma); and don't forget Bacon, Ind. Mmmmm, bacon.

And it looks like the name's not the only thing that needs a good scrubbing (or angioplasty) around Greasy. Back in 2008, the State Board of Education heard in an audit that former Greasy Superintendent Ronnie Denny had been overpaid by $50,000 over a three-year period. Four other employees had been overpaid by a total of $100,000 in that time period.

This won't do, Oklahoma. We must clean up our act and put our best food, er, foot forward if we want to better showcase the state on next year's list.

And if the upcoming year is anything like the last one for the Sooner State, Chicken-Fried News nominates Sweet Mother of Gary England, Okla., as our next representative.

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