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Girls Gone Dead



In a case of having cake and eating it, too, one thoroughly repellent character refers to women as, among other things, "fish buckets," "dumb twits" and "meat holes." When he's not referring to them as a whole, he zeroes in on certain parts of their anatomy, which he pegs as "piss flaps." And yes, the guy meets an appropriately grisly fate, but practically everyone does — it's not as if his behavior is condemned.

Perhaps I'm just reading too much into a film that plays upon Joe Francis' Girls Gone Wild empire, which rakes in millions selling DVDs of getting/coercing young women into showing some skin on camera, all in exchange for a free T-shirt.

In Girls Gone Dead, the setting is a retirement community, unbeknownst to our group of slutty and bitchy college girls who were hoping for a wild spring break, but find nothing more active than a near-empty karaoke bar ... until they and the horny guys around them start dying at the blade of a "war hammer" swung by a serial killer in a red hooded robe and medieval statue mask.

As with so many of these things, we care not one iota for the eventual victims, and that goes for the main character, too: "good girl" Rebecca (Katie Peterson) whose super-religious, Papal Mart-patronizing mother worries about what her daughter might do. She has good reason.

It's a bad film indeed, but not as bad as I assumed it would be, because I did find two lines to be funny. One was at the expense of Willie Aames; the other arrived when one of the drunk-as-a-skunk girls goes to second base with a morbidly obese guy who exclaims, "This is so much better than D&D!"

Girls Gone Dead is not smart enough to succeed as the satire it aims to be, so I can't recommend it to anyone other than pubescent boys seeking wholly gratuitous nudity, of which there is plenty. Cameos include Beetlejuice and Ron Jeremy as themselves, ’80s scream queen Linnea Quigley, wrassler Jerry Lawler and Iron Maiden Nicko McBrain. (Not being a metalhead, I had to Google him.)

The DVD contains more extras than you'd expect, and probably more than it deserves, including bloopers that aren't funny (but how many gag reels are these days?) and five music videos, from Hawthorne Heights to an MC Hammer parody titled "Hammersmash." —Rod Lott

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