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The one man who could have taken her down is Oklahoma’s answer to Uncle Fester: former state Rep. “Joltin’” Joe Dorman.

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“They’re creepy and they’re kooky, mysterious and spooky. They’re altogether ookey” and we keep voting them into office for some reason.

Every state has a few weirdos who somehow luck their way into office, but Oklahomans seem to take some kind of twisted joy in embracing the most extreme candidates and shoving them into the spotlight.

Perhaps it’s natural selection. Or maybe rural Oklahoma towns just want their weirdest residents to leave and electing them into the government is a one-way ticket to anywhere else.

Surely that’s what happened to U.S. Sen. Jim “Granny” Inhofe, the matriarch of The Okie Family. Tulsans wanted their weird former mayor to vacate the city, and the only way they could think to get him out was with a ballot.

What’s so creepy about Inhofe? Maybe it’s that he’s a dyed-in-the-wool climate change denier who happens to be chairman of the Senate Committee on Environment and Public Works.

At least he and U.S. Sen. James “Lurch” Lankford spend much of their time in D.C. Unfortunately, they’re making policy decisions, like Lankford’s lax views on gun laws, drilling for fossil fuels and cutting taxes so hard that the whole country will bleed out.

Power duo Randy “Gomez” Brogdon and Gov. Mary “Morticia” Fallin are doing their part to reverse the state’s trend toward progress and are still making life difficult for some of us in Oklahoma.

Former state senator Brogdon also was a short-lived chairman of the Oklahoma Republican Party with a penchant for stepping in crap and then sticking that foot in his mouth. Remember when he hired a man who had, just three years prior, pleaded guilty to domestic assault and battery to be political director?

Or when, under his reign, the OKGOP’s Facebook page posted a “joke” equating welfare recipients with animals? Scary, right?

The Brog might be gone, but Fallin is still here. How do we not all have divots in our foreheads from smacking ourselves every time our lawmakers make the news? Name a topic and you’ll likely find one of them on the wrong side of the issue.

Minimum wage? Fallin capped it at $7.25 statewide. Drought and fire? She asked everyone to pray for rain. But she’s always looking for solutions. Sadly, many of the solutions she’s looking for right now are meant to be used in executions.

The one man who could have taken her down is Oklahoma’s answer to Uncle Fester: former state Rep. “Joltin’” Joe Dorman. Maybe it was naive to think a Democrat could unseat a sitting Republican governor in the buckle of the Bible Belt, but Dorman certainly didn’t help his case by sitting quietly through the campaign. C’mon, Fester! You waited until after you lost to turn on that Rush Springs charm!

It’s awfully hard to get people to vote for you if they’re not even sure what your name is. Maybe next time.

Or maybe once Fallin is out of the way, a dream candidate can fill her shoes. State Rep. Sally “Wednesday” Kern will be term-limited out of office in 2016, paving the way for her to move her homophobic claptrap to the governor’s mansion.

The hot tub could be converted into a baptismal fount! She could lobby to have her entrance music at every event be “The Imperial March (Darth Vader’s Theme)!” Perhaps we can even get a follow-up to her self-published book The Stoning of Sally Kern called Sally on the Cross or It’s Kern or Burn!

And who could be our Pugsley except for state Rep. Richard Morrissette? We know he put forward the Right to Try Act (House Bill 1074) to help terminally ill patients access novel treatments, but it certainly fits with Pugsley’s mad scientist leanings.

Don’t forget he’s also the guy who interjected himself into a high school football team after a 52-0 Capitol Hill loss to Ardmore. Sure, he represents the area, but you don’t see Fallin bursting into the University of Oklahoma locker room at halftime to give the Sooners a pep talk.

Maybe we’re off base with this comparison, though. Yes, Oklahoma has a deep bench when it comes to finding extra-ooky politicians with a tenuous-at-best connection to reality. And yes, Lankford’s posture and voice bear a striking resemblance to Lurch.

But with all the earthquakes rattling the state, maybe Oklahoma is more like Buffy the Vampire Slayer’s Sunnydale and the State Capitol is our local version of the Hellmouth.

(Design: Christopher Street)

(Design: Christopher Street)

Print headline: Creepy kin, If you look closely, Oklahoma politicians bear a striking resemblance to a certain ookey TV family.

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