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Kill

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Well, yes, but no. The concept of Kill
is similar; the execution, the polar opposite. Reportedly, this single-setting project was shot in 2004, but only just now seeing DVD release because it “has been recovered from a crashed server.” Regardless of truth, that story is more compelling and suspenseful than the whole flick.

All clad in standard-issue white T-shirts, our “heroes” spend many minutes bitching and moaning in dialogue that sounds as if it were translated from English to FratDouche:  
• “What if this is one of those … reality TV shows.”
• “Maybe it's somebody's surprise birthday party or something?”
• “This is weird. Really, really weird.”
• “I don't have time for this crap!”
• “If this is a dream, could you please pinch me, 'cause it fuckin' blows!”

Exploring, they learn the room is part of — gasp! — a whole house, with curtains, curtains, curtains everywhere! Windows are covered with cardboard held by duct tape. Finally, 20 minutes in, a semblance of a story forms as a piece of paper informs them they must play a game: “Kill or be killed.” So, they yell a lot and the script finds a way to get one of the girl into her undies. Overweight guys in grass skirts and oversized tiki masks show up and stab people with syringes.

"Holy fucking shitballs!" says the madman behind it all, which is as meaningless as this turd of a thriller. No budget shouldn’t have to mean no thought.  —Rod Lott

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