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Least Competent Criminals

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Robert Garrett, 33, and Jesse Dyer, 32, were arrested in Lincoln, Neb., in November and charged with burglary and the theft of a 55-inch TV, which they had taken to their car, only to realize that it wouldn't fit. When a next-door neighbor spotted them, they tried to bribe her for $100, to hold the set until they could return with a bigger car, but she called the police.

Joseph Barton, 62, and an associate were arrested in November by local drug officials in Hurley, N.Y., and charged with a marijuana growing and distribution scheme of "epic scope and sophistication," according to a Middletown Times Herald-Record report. Besides the 45 pounds of marijuana seized, the chief evidence is copies of Barton's self-made biographical DVD chronicling a life of drug deals, describing candidly his adventures and business acumen.

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