According to my analysis of the omens, you would really benefit from a baptism right about now. Consider these questions as you design the ritual.
Should you seek the help of a religious official, or do it yourself? Should the baptism be conducted in a Christian, pagan, Jewish, atheist, Buddhist, Hollywood, or free-form style? Is it enough just to sprinkle your head or should you go for full immersion? And if you choose the latter, will the dunking be more authentic if it's in a frigid river rather than a warm bath?
These issues are for you to decide, not me. I insist only on this: Let the holy water wash you free of guilt, remorse, and any habit of mind that tricks you into being mean or careless toward yourself.