Exactly 105 categories later, another year of Oklahoma Gazette's annual Best of OKC contest is behind us. Or so we thought.
Turns out, you people love your lists and clamor for more. Shockingly, we didn't quite cover it all last week, despite running the gamut from Best Mediterranean Restaurant to Best Museum, so we came up with some extras " the rest of the Best of OKC, if you will.
From people and places to Gazette itself, we not-so-proudly present a handful of additional rankings in an attempt to satiate your need to have everything numbered in a heated competition.
Just remember: Be careful what you wish for.
Best Nicknames for Actress Kristin Chenoweth's Lady Parts
Please note these aren't our nicknames " they come straight from the Okie-born actress' own New York Times best-selling and Best of OKC-winning memoir, "A Little Bit Wicked." (Ours, we can't print.)
1. Hoo Hoo
2. Georgia O'Keefe
Worth Mentioning: vagina
Best Flaming Lips Song Titles Wayne Coyne Just Hasn't Thought of Yet
With the Lips' "Embryonic" hitting stores Sept. 29 " boasting such tracks as "Virgo Self-Esteem Broadcast" and "The Sparrow Looks Up at the Machine" " we think it's only a matter of time before the Oklahoma City-based band affixes the following monikers to its mad-genius music.
1. "Can You Fathom?? All / the "¦ Punctuation!"
2. "My MILFtastic Solstice Interment (The Id and Superego Wrestling in the Pinhole Light of a Snack Cake Cream Filling)"
3. "Zeroing in on the Turnpike Exit by Dirigible (Pas de Deux)"
Worth Mentioning: "A Phantasmagoria Emporium of Pectin, Pt. 1," "Ow, Her Hydrochloride Soul (Lung Full of Funfetti)"
Best Uses of the F-bomb Dropped Within Our Pages by Musicians
Don't they know this is a family newspaper? No. Hey, it wouldn't be rock 'n' roll without breaking a few rules.
1. HorrorPops: "Moments like this, when we're in an RV park loaded with f---ing seniors and we're running around in the rain trying to barbecue, it's just golden. It's f---ing golden."
2. New York Dolls: "God bless those two, they were f---ing hardcore."
3. Joe Buck Yourself: "I believe in some utopic f---ing thing where there's amazing arts and beautiful intellect and people are for each other."
Worth Mentioning: Red City Radio, The Casualties, Riverboat Gamblers
Best Local Bands Whose Members My Mom Thinks Could Really Use a Haircut
Forgive her, guys " she's old-school.
1. The Uglysuit
2. Mike Hosty
3. Junebug Spade
Worth Mentioning: Horse Called War
Best Tweets from Local Media Personalities' Twitter Feeds
Through the technological wonder that is Twitter, I feel like I really get to know people I see on TV. Like, really know them.
1. "i miss my gall bladder""Angi Bruss, Feb. 10
2. "@chrisbharrison I have three teenage daughters and they love the show"¦ but I only have eyes for you!!" "Kelly Ogle, July 2
3. "I seriously hope the perv who video'd Erin Andrews in the buff does jail time. Sure, she's hot BUT that just isn't right! She's 2 classy." "Bob Barry Jr., July 21
Worth Mentioning: "Tweeple: stop sending 'what movie is ur life' and 'what animal r u', etc. Besides being dumb, I might unfollow. Seriously, stop." "Renzi Stone, July 13; "Chugging a red bull"¦ still gotta get through the show and get a workout in before I clean the house. I need a maid!!! for reals!!" "Jamie Cerreta, June 8
Best Meterological Terms That Gary England Might Use That Sound Like Obscure Diseases
Seriously, some of these sound like they might leave some "fall streaks" behind.
1. Altocumulus castellanus
2. Cumulus congestus
3. Katabatic wind
Worth Mentioning: hoarfrost, haboob, ice pellets
Best Bricktown Establishments That Upset Our Microsoft Word Spell-Check Feature to No End
Many make a beeline to these metro hot spots. They bring up red lines on our monitors.
1. BRiX Restaurant & Sports Lounge, 27 E. Sheridan
2. Drinkz Bar and Lounge, 115 E. Reno
3. Rok Bar, 119 E. California
Worth Mentioning: Venu Bar, Spyce, SKKYBAR
Best Local Theater Publicity Photos That Involve the Lifting and/or Hoisting of Another Human Being
Thespians will tell you a production is most successful when all actors support one another. Apparently, they mean that in the literal sense.
1. Carpenter Square Theatre's "Picnic"
2. Oklahoma Shakespeare in the Park's "A Midsummer Night's Dream"
3. Carpenter Square Theatre's "Picnic"
Best Asian Restaurant Names That Never Fail to Make Our Kids Snicker Knowingly
However delicious these eateries' food may be, something may have been lost in the translation when it came to deciding what to put on the sign outside.
1. Dong A Restaurant, 1262 N. Eastern in Moore
2. Wongs Restaurant, 712 Opal in Clinton
3. Pho Hoa, 901 N.W. 23rd
Worth Mentioning: Fung's Kitchen, Yummy Yummy Chinese Restaurant, Bangkok Restaurant
ALL THINGS GAZETTE
Best Headlines We'll Probably Never, Ever Get to Use
But we sure can dream "¦
1. "Rep. Kern lauds clarity of 'Milk' on Blu-ray"
2. "Thunder owners share insane profits with city taxpayers"
3. "Oklahoma Legislature introduces bill not involving the unborn"
Worth Mentioning: "National news interviews Okie with all teeth, no discernible accent," "Fairs forego frying," "Norman game-day traffic no longer problematic"
Best Lines from Our Food Articles That, Taken Out of Context, Read Like Cheap Pornography
We love our food editor, Carol Smaglinski. She certainly knows her cuisine and edibles, on which she writes weekly with resolute wisdom. However, she may not be so aware of her tendency to pen a phrase that occasionally makes even us blush. When she suggests a headline like "Meat on the bone," we think of nookie, not nourishment.
1. "Even people with a fine-tuned sense of taste eagerly look forward to the slippery things and seem to suck them up lustily."
2. "As promised, it was huge and puffy."
3. "It's the kind of place where the bottom of the bun seems to disappear and all that's left is a huge chunk of moist, loose beef."
Worth Mentioning: "In business since 1992, with enthusiastic life being pumped in "¦ (the owner) said he is 'waking it up and slapping it around a little,'" "Some people will do anything for their lovers. "¦. This offering " featuring "¦ a hot link " might fill your special desires."
Best Errors of Our Own Doing in Recent Memory
Nobody's perfect. We're close, mind you. But nobody's perfect.
1. Referring to Bethany eatery Oma's Pantry as "Oma's Panty, open for a couple of years "¦"
2. Crediting Doug Bentin's review of "Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End" to Phil Bacharach.
3. Crediting two of Victoria Stahl's photographs to other photographers. (In our defense, she's an intern.)
Worth Mentioning: None. We jsut don't mkae that many mistkaes.
Best Photos We Took That We Really Didn't Have a Justifiable Reason to Run "¦ Until Now
You wouldn't believe how many photographs we snap in a week, only for a low percentage ever to see print. Or perhaps you would "¦
1. Kyle Mixon's awesome hamburger tattoo
2. Wall freakishly covered with crickets outside Target, 8315 N. Rockwell
3. St. Anthony Hospital statue that appears to be flipping the bird
Best Categories from Our Inaugural 'Best of Indian Territory' Issue, Summer 1889
There's a rumor going around that Oklahoma Gazette turns 30 years young this fall. That's news to us, considering the yellowed, brittle parchment we unearthed in our files.
1. Best Gingham Clothier
2. Best Field of Waving Wheat
3. Best Mustache Lard Supplier
Worth Mentioning: Best Reformed Klansman, Best Buffalo Chip Pile
Best Lines from Some Out-There Letters to the Editor We're Not Printing
Gazette readers may have noticed that each issue's letters page includes the disclaimer: "The Gazette reserves the right to edit letters for length and clarity." Sometimes, achieving clarity is impossible.
1. "Building #7, building #7, bill-ah #7. Buba 7; Buda at 7-11. No, no! BUILDING #7 PROVES 9/11 WAS AN INSIDE JOB."
2. "A half century ago, when I was a young man "¦ almost all girls graduating High School were virgins. "¦ And, 'bitch' generally meant a female dog."
3. "Volunteers will help all who need help with undressing."
Worth Mentioning: "Please all homo's. Go back in the closet"; "Nicole Kidman once said 'I refuse to let what happened to me make me bitter.'"
Best Backhanded Compliments from the Cover Letters to Some of Said Out-There Letters to the Editor We're Not Printing
But other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play?
1. "I pick up your 'fag rag' 'cause it's free & to humor my self while eating salsa & chips waitin' on my meal."
2. "Enclosed is a recent piece I wrote which you might consider running in your paper in answer to the considerable number of pieces in your paper with a decidedly anti-Christian tone. Other than that, I much enjoy your publication."
3. "We read your commentary in Gazette. You and the 'libs' are such Morons."
Non-publicity photos by Mark Hancock, Shannon Cornman, Victoria Stahl and Malena Lott
OMG! SPECIAL GUEST LIST!
Best Silly Ideas for MAPS 3
The boys at The Lost Ogle " a recent, wholly suspicious Best of OKC winner for Best Blog " put their heads together to craft these suggestions for the upcoming MAPS 3 proposal. Mayor Mick Cornett, take note!
1. Have the water taxis in the Bricktown canal re-enact famous naval battles.
2. For irony, rename the Habana Inn the Sally Kern Center for Excellence.
3. For fun, create a Strawtown and Sticktown.
Worth Mentioning: Build the International Meth Hall of Fame in south Oklahoma City; have Clay Bennett bring a lingerie football league to town; build an amphitheatre in an area that doesn't piss off lions and orangutans. "Rod Lott