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SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21):



Sometime in the next week, the spirits of Nostradamus, Edgar Cayce, John the Baptist, and Jean-Paul Sartre will come to you in a vision to tell you how to prosper during the coming Great Depression. With their expert tips you will spend the years 2010-2013 safe and sound and well-fed in a gated community while millions of your fellow humans are rioting in the streets over scraps of food.

APRIL FOOL! Everything I just said is a lie. The more modest truth is that you now have access to great insight about how to increase your long-term stability and security. Take advantage!

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